I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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