why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
