just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
