you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
