Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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