Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
