i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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