have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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