I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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