cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
