The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
