dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just threw up on my dentist
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
