If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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