The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
