Sry I called you an 8
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
