Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
