You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
