I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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