I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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