If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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