I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my phone needs a breathalizer
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
