Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
