Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
