that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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