nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
