we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
