I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
