ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
