There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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