And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
