you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
