If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
