The best revenge is premature balding
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
