I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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