I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
