I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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