my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
