Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ttyl tear gas
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
