just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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