Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
