...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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