i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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