I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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