when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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