He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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