Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
