and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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