hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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