exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
