Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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