I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
