Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
