If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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