Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
