I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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