Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
