watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
