I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
