you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
