your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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