I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
