Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
