Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
