I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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