Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
