I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Randomize
