Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
